07 October 2011


I am so incredibly hurt. I look back on our relationship and how well everything had been going and I feel like I should have seen the sign that it wasn't going as well as I'd thought. You contacted me, courted me, wooed me, introduced me, dined me, loved me, and told me I was perfect. I was the woman you'd been searching for. We spent seven amazing months, fight-free, and then the rug was pulled out from under me.

My issues with you traveling up to see your family weren't nearly as important as I was making them seem. I was teasing you most of the time because I wanted you to spend time with ME. I wanted you to choose me. Now I realize you were never going to do that. I could never be number one to you. I fear you will never truly know how to make yourself happy because you are all consumed with making everyone around you happy.

I want to believe you will come back and tell me you made a mistake. That my not being Persian is actually a blessing and that it's something that can make our life a beautiful one. I want to believe you aren't racist and think you're better than me, but I sadly think that's your personality. I am so heartbroken I can't eat anything. I haven't slept well because I keep waking up thinking it's all a terrible dream.

Truth be told, I suppose I was always more in love with you than you have ever been with me. I deserve to be treated like a princess, a token of someone's lifelong affection. I can't believe I told myself you would be that person for me. You have turned out to be the absolute opposite of that.

The fact that you ended our relationship because you want to find a Persian girl is like me saying, "Well, Jake Gyllenhaal is still single so I guess that's still a possibility for me." Yes, it's absolutely possible, but will it happen? Is it worth throwing away a good thing to see if that will work? NO. It's not. And it's immature and crazy to put all your eggs into the basket of chance. I feel badly that's the way you're looking at your life.

I know you say it's what you want, but nobody buys that. It's what you want because it's what everyone expects of you. Admit the fact that you fell in love with someone who didn't fit your perfect puzzle. Instead of seeing how that variable could work, you rejected it in hopes of finding the perfect piece. What if you never find it? I hope you do, but when you don't and realize you made a mistake, please don't make my life any worse.

You're overweight, have crooked teeth, are very hairy. You can't write very well, don't have a lot of sophistication, aren't as smart as you think you are. You wear pants with pleats, you snore, and are all in all quite gross. You have never really had to know what financial hardships are like, nor have you ever known you are disappointing anyone. You have had a very easy life in comparison to most, which is why you have such a short-sided view of the world. How dare you think you and your family above anyone else's? Your life will never be full of love if you never give yourself fully to someone else. Your love will come with conditions. You looked at me and loved me except for the fact I was white, too young, not in a career, from a unconventional, non-ethnic background... Are there more? I'm dying to know.

I looked at you and loved you more because of all your diverse qualities. The fact that you were different than me was a blessing. I guess to you it's too scary to give in to the unknown. I thought you were a strong, decisive man. Instead you're a coward whose afraid of what has not been tried and tested. God forbid you find out for yourself. Who knows? What if we had been really happy together? You'll never know.

I used to think you had a lot to offer me. I used to look at the life you lived and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to be the woman you drove around in your nice car and sleep in your comfortable bed. But more than that I loved you. I loved all of you and your disgusting qualities. Now I see you have flaws in your personality that need to be dealt with professionally before you hurt someone else. I know all your friends are cradling you now but in a few months they'll all be telling you to your face what a huge mistake you made. You won't be able to find someone better than me because she's not out there. I am only me, not Persian, not perfect. Even so, I know now that I am the one with all the gifts to offer. I am only 22, beautiful, funny, smart, stylish, witty, well-adjusted and able to admit my faults. I give 110% of myself to everything and I cannot wait to be with the man who reciprocates my energy.

Thanks for sparing me the trouble of spending an unhappy life with you. 


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