01 December 2011

Dear Santa,

As long as I can remember I have been writing you letters that bear my Christmas shopping list. Having been an only child, and conveniently born on Christmas Eve, you've done a remarkable job at fulfilling most every want. Not to say I didn't deserve all those lovely gifts! I never went to detention, hit a classmate, or cussed at my parents. I'm confident my responsible behavior earned me a safe-spot on your Nice List. I'm now obviously at an age where poor behavior isn't punished with a referral to the principal's office. You're either fired or broken hearted and, either way, Christmases usually disappoint us single, twentysomethings. I don't covet American Girl dolls or Hasbro games the way I used to, and I don't think your elves are as skilled at Burberry trench coat-making the way those English blokes are. That said, I think my list this year is a little... complicated.

It's complicated because, well, I really don't know what I want. Of course I could use a new laptop, Louis handbag, and a plethora of other designer trinkets. But if I really wanted them I could always save my pennies and go out to get my own. Plus, I'd feel better having something I bought anyway. And, after all, aren't Christmas gifts supposed to be something we can't get for ourselves? Aren't they tokens of love from people that care about us and want us to know we're special? Isn't that why children everywhere covet items they wouldn't normally and hope to receive them from a magical man? If those kids could all get their own presents, I dare-say, Santa, you'd be out of a job.

There isn't any material good I can't procure on my own, so instead, I want to know what I want in a man.

I've tried doing this myself for a while now, and I have to say that I am really at a loss. I thought I wanted a guy with a sense of humor and he turned out to be a staunch racist. I thought I wanted a guy with a great body and he turned out to be in a relationship with a girl in Austria. I thought I wanted a guy with great taste and he turned out to be gay. Santa, what do I want?

I know I can't boil down all of the qualities I'm looking for into one, isolated list. That would be objectifying and completely limiting. It's frustrating, though, because so many men have amazing qualities, but they can't figure out how to be Alphas. And all the Alpha-men are so obsessed with their own amazing qualities they can't figure out how to be humans. List making may not be the fairest way to go about it, but it sure eliminates a lot of the guys who won't work for me. I don't expect him to walk out of a Starbucks in a tailored suit, totally perfect and searching for me. (In fact, I'd probably dismiss that guy straight out of the gate.) However, if that is how we're supposed to meet than I guess that wouldn't be such a bad thing...

Oh, Santa! I'm really having trouble. I am doing my very best keeping all of my options open. I have so far dated a lot of great men, but only a few stick out as winners, and certainly no one has been a winner for me. It's particularly difficult searching for something that I don't even know yet exists. And, God forbid, I fall in love with someone and wake up one day to discover I don't want what they have to offer. Having been the other side of that dilemma not too long ago, I couldn't live with the guilt of doing that to someone else.

I would like to think I am a wonderful lady with a lot of living yet to do, but I would at least like some direction. I would love to be able to go out and have a great time with my friends and not be hindered by the notion that he's just around the corner, waiting for me to smile at him. This only leaves me beaming like a sedated jester at every male in the proximity. I would appreciate having a clue that helps focus my winks to few less chaps in the bar.

I am seeking help because I have yet to find out exactly what I want, and I'm willing to bet that he hasn't any idea that he's looking for me. I have pretty strong qualities, to be sure, but I would be hard-pressed to find the man that's listed all the ones I possess... together. On paper, I appear to be a high-strung, sarcastic, snob of potential. However, upon meeting, I know we would melt into a pair of giggling goons, well-dressed and ready to take on the world. So you see, if I don't expect him to know he wants me, how can I begin to guess that I want him?

You're not a matchmaker, nor is it Valentine's Day, but here's hoping. If you can answer my plea, or better yet, if you find him, please direct him to the girl with red nails beneath the mistletoe.

xx oo

1 comment:

  1. Dear Torrie,

    Here is what you said..

    So instead, I want to know what I want in a man….

    Here is your list..

    Just as men generally prefer wider hips, women have near-universal preferences as well. We can divide them into three categories:
    o Health
    o Social Intuition
    o Humor
    o Status
    o Wealth
    4. Congruence:
    o Pre-selected
    o Challenging
    o Confident
    Note that these are not the only or even the necessary characteristics to win a woman’s interest. These are simply the most important qualities that are common to most women. Every woman will also have her unique interests when it comes to men, and most are also looking for elements which must be built together, like trust, connection, and shared values

    Luv ya,